The End

I have a feeling. I'm going to die soon.
How will I die? I'll kill myself and I'll end everything.

I need everything to reach an ending. I really need that.
I can no longer take this any more. Even though it means a tragic ending, It's a closure to me.
People need closure to move on. So do me.
I need closure to be peace, to free my mind.

I can't move on anymore.
Everyday is a rejection. Everyday is dissapointment. Everyday is a repeat cycle of fuck-upness of my life. Everyday is a curse.
No more another day for me. Please, no more.
No more rejection. No more dissapointment. No more repeat cycle of fuck-upness. No more curse.
I just want an ending.

Going back to a place where everything suppose to end few years ago I should be.
I'm just tired of everything.
I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of listening to people asking me to cheer up.
No way.
No way of trying more failure.
No way of cheering up.
Just...no way.
The only way is die.

I want to die.
And after seeing her again today, I have really nothing to hope for more.
I still love her. I do.
That's the reason this blog is named after 'Love till Death'.
At this moment of contemplating death, I feel relieved because I'm going to die.

Dying is dark, but it is beautiful.
Dying means ending. Putting an end on your life.
Just like a last page of a story book.
Instead of having blank pages endlessly, or having shit on every pages, it's better of putting an ending to it. Again, even it's a tragic ending.
This is the end.

If there's no more update in this blog, it means I'm dead.
So, for anyone who ever read this, please don't feel guilty for anything.
As friends of mine, please don't be guilty.
Those time with you guys, they are really great time.
Probably the only good things that ever happen in my story of life.
I'm thankful that I had friends like you guys. Really.

I'm dying.
Death, embrace me.

20th October 2009